Gloriously Ordinary Sundays - 16th June 2024

The Boy moved out yesterday. Into his own flat in the centre of town, 5 mins walk from The Girl, 2 mins walk from his job at MacDonalds and a stone's throw from his favourite pastimes of shopping and cinema.

It's a weird time when your kids are launched.

On Friday night, I tried to mark the occasion of his last night in the family home, but he wasn't fussed. Friday night is pizza night anyway and he was happy with that routine. As we left the house yesterday with the van full of his stuff, he said, 'Miss old house'. Later when we FaceTimed, he said, 'Great new flat. Much better.'

The job of parenting is, I think to have that end goal of leaving clear in your mind. Confidence and courage that one day your work will be done, and they will be champing at the bit to fly the nest and make their own path (even when every bone in your body is screaming stay. Stay forever).

It's also made me reflect on the expectations the system had on him at 10 years old when he first came to live with me – 'out of area placement' to a 'specialist autistic unit'. Absolute clarity that he would never 'live independently' and would 'always need specialist care'.

I smile as I picture him on the train to visit friends and family in Yorkshire, pottering around town looking in shops, having a day out in London – always making sure that he is by Big Ben when it strikes at 3pm (no idea. Always has to be 3 pm), and now, spending his first night in his own flat. Starting the rest of his adult life.

We've played out the Five Tests beautifully over the past few weeks.

Test One reminded me of enabling Mum to stay at home five years ago when The Boy first talked about moving out (then Covid hit). The wonderful juxtaposition of a young man desperately wanting to get his own place and Mum as an older woman in the last stage of her life wanting to keep the home she knew and loved.

Test Two… I had a conversation with the people who are going to be supporting the boy about the concept of an office chair and desk that needs to be built for the 'office'. I suggested that it wasn't an office but his spare room. We talked about the fact that putting an office desk and chair in a room might suggest that someone had work to do in that room, when we'd also agreed that all record-keeping about The Boy would be done with or by him – presumable at his kitchen table. We agreed that someone sleeping over might not want to just sit on their bed, and that buying a nice comfy chair might be a great solution. Words are powerful.

We've taken endless photographs over the last week as things have got boxed up/sent to the charity shop/rescued from being sent to the charity shop (by me) as they held too many memories. Here is the photograph of him sitting on his sofa now the Xbox is set up.

Katie, his personal assistant, messaged me late this afternoon to tell me that he'd already FaceTimed five people – friends and family – to let them know how great the flat was and invited one person to dinner next Friday. He’d also gone to meet the young woman in the flat downstairs and they’d hit it off immediately. Friendship and connections safe and secure.

He told me yesterday that he needed to change the alarm on his phone for Sundays as now he doesn't need to get up until 8.15 am (given that he lives a two-minute walk away from work, not a 35-minute walk). He also reminded me that he's closer to the Foodbank where he volunteers and, even though it's further away, will still be doing a shift in the community shop. A big check for a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

All this has made me think back to when we first started talking about things being ordinary, and then gloriously ordinary. Before the Five Tests and when I was so clear in my head what Gloriously Ordinary looked like and so many people in Serviceland seem to find it so hard.

It's made me think about expectations and aspirations. About the core solid assumption that of course they'll leave home, have a job, fall in love and live happily ever after.

It's brought back some of the tough times along the way. Times when the fight was really hard.

Where on earth would The Boy be if the system had had its way?

It’s awfully quiet as I write this and I might have slightly leaky eyes.

PS. Did you see? The Gloriously Ordinary Sundays Podcast episode five is here! I caught up with the brilliant ⁠Karen McCormick⁠, from ⁠inCharge⁠. Karen shares her really exciting plans to build an app designed to help people to get Gloriously Ordinary Lives!