Gloriously Ordinary Sundays - 19th January 2025

Happy New Year, if it’s not too late to say that.

Some of you will remember this time last year when I shared my intention to write a Sunday blog. Not a New Year’s resolution, absolutely not, but an intention. And for the most part I managed it for which I’m pretty proud of myself.

Here we are a year on and two weeks into a new year, and I suspect that not one of you has noticed this is my first blog. Why do I mention that?  I’ve found myself in several conversations towards the end of last year and the beginning of this about the concept of outcomes – that beloved process of our world of social care where any support we tell people they are entitled to is linked to outcomes that we, of course (!) agree with them.

As I was considering at the start of this year what intentions I might set for myself, I thought again about the difference between intentions and something as rigid as a resolution, which most people will break (Quitters Friday is apparently the second Friday in January). Resolutions took me right back to outcomes. There’s nothing wrong with outcomes (or as I tend to explain them to people, ‘what do I want to be different?’) per se, the problem is when they become owned by Serviceland and something that we have to do and be measured on.

I set an intention at New Year to write a journal. I bought a lovely new notebook and pen, and read some articles about journalling and the positive impacts that it can have on our lives. Here we are on the 19th of January and that notebook is still virgin. That’s okay because it’s an intention, it’s not a resolution. It’s not an outcome and I absolutely did NOT resolve to, ‘write at least 300 words in my new journal notebook every night between the hours of 9 and 10 with my lovely new pen.’

I shared my intention to journal with a friend who, when we went out last night to the theatre, asked me how I was doing with it. ‘Rubbish’ I said. ‘Oh well’ she replied, ‘never mind’ - end of conversation.  Nobody is holding me to account for my journalling ability or lack of it. No one is writing notes saying they checked in with me and I appear to be failing to achieve my outcome.  No one is questioning my spending on the notebook and pen. No organisation’s commissioned support depends on their ability (or not) to facilitate me/support me/coerce me into journaling.

Don’t get me wrong there are times in life when you need a good plan. When I’m thinking about spending some time in Kefalonia, I need to be clear about what I want to achieve – do I want to go for seven or ten days….a couple of weeks …. a month? I need to work out when it’s possible for me to go, both in terms of my diary and the cost of flights and the availability of somewhere to stay. All that requires good and firm planning and a clear end goal. Other things in life I’m not so sure about. I’ve never managed to plan my way into a great relationship, a wider friendship circle or a sense of calm in my life.

I ran a session last week teaching people about outcomes and how to write them. It’s something I’ve not done for several years, and I felt really uncomfortable. I found myself giving a long list of ‘yes buts’ and disclaimers as the lovely group of people explored how they might support young people who are care experienced to plan outcomes for the next stage of their lives. It got me thinking back to when I was 17 in the comfort of a loving family, secure in school thinking about what it was going to take to get to university. I had loads of support from people around me all heading in the same general direction – school – university – career – relationship – rest of your life. Contrast that with the lives of the young people we were talking about last week, their random and chaotic situations and for the most part with no one around them apart from paid support …and we were squeezing them into creating outcomes for their lives that frankly they just aren’t going to be able to make happen… and then we’ll measure them and how successful they’ve been.

I sound like I’m on a big downer about anything to do with aspiration and that’s absolutely not the case. I think we can and should have aspirations and dreams – gloriously unrealistic or otherwise, as that’s a brilliant way of thinking about what our Gloriously Ordinary Lives might look like. I’m just not so sure it makes great sense to always tie those down into a measurable outcome. There you go now I’ve said it.

I really hope you’ve made and kept New Year's resolutions if that makes sense to you. If not, here’s to a fabulous year anyway. Oh, and I still intend to keep writing on a Sunday …except when I don’t.

PS. Did you see? The Gloriously Ordinary Sundays Podcast episode 10 is here. I chat with James Townsend, Co-Founder and CEO of ⁠Mobilise⁠. We reflect on the importance of shifting how local councils view families, focusing on supporting them to live gloriously ordinary lives. It's about having early conversations, rethinking relationships between people with a caring role and those they support, and opening up new ways of understanding those connections.

PPS. Have you heard the news?

Tricia Nicoll and Kate Mercer are excited to announce our new programme, Advocating with and for Gloriously Ordinary Lives, starting in February 2025.

A Gloriously Ordinary Lives and Black Belt Advocacy collaboration.

BOOKING IS NOW LIVE! To find out more and book a place, click here.