Gloriously Ordinary Sundays - 22nd September 2024

Bryony Shannon and I have not known each other for that long, just a few years, but we realised quickly that we might have been separated at birth. We’re fellow lefties (hands not politics, although that as well), both veggie, and we love cats and swimming in open water. There is more, but it might get a bit creepy. When we work together, one of us will say something like, ‘So we’ll use that video first’ or, ‘Turquoise cards to record that section?’ and the other will reply, ‘Obviously’ ...as in, ‘Of course. Why would we want to do anything else?’.

We laugh about it, but the other week it got us thinking about the word ‘obviously’ and how we use it in social care.

Collins dictionary says that you use ‘obviously’ when you are ‘stating something that you expect the person who is listening to know already, or to indicate that something is easily noticed, seen or recognised’. That’s absolutely how we use it – if there’s a Buddha bowl available for lunch then what else would you choose (that was last Friday after the Social Care Future People Power event)? Actually, most of our ‘obviously's’ are food or drink-related come to think of it.

The thing is when social care uses ‘obviously’, it gets a bit less fun:

Obviously, The Boy won’t be able to continue being included in the classroom in Year 10 as the other kids will be doing their GCSEs.

Obviously, The Girl will need to go into an Assessment and Treatment Unit if she doesn’t stop hurting herself.

Obviously, your mum will need to go into a care home when her needs get too complex for you to manage at home.

Obviously, you can’t continue teaching with a significant mental health diagnosis.

All things I’ve heard about me and my family, and when there was nothing obvious about any of those statements to me. Let’s unpick the one about my mum.

Mum came to live with me after my dad died in 2006 when she was 79. As we planned the extension to our house that would make her new home, we had the practical discussions about future-proofing the space so that it would work for her in later life – wet room, sockets at wall level etc. We also talked about what she wanted to happen as she got older. Funnily enough, she used the ‘obviously’ word and said, ‘Well darling, obviously one day I might have to go into a home’. I asked if that was what she wanted and she admitted that, no it was absolutely not what she wanted. We made a deal at that point that I would, when the time came, use every element of ‘What would it take?’ to make sure she stayed at home.

Fast forward 8 or 9 years and she started to need some support from social care (more about that next week), and we weaved together a lovely web of support from family and personal assistants. The point for today is that the throwaway comment made by a social worker as we reviewed mum’s support a year in was, ‘Things are working well now, but obviously, your mum will need to go into a care home when her needs get too complex for you to manage at home’. For her that seemed to be fact, and she was very confused when we said that no, she was going to stay right here thank you (and let’s not even go near the ‘complex’ word!).

There was a bit of to and fro about how much support it is possible for someone to get in their own home, and I did need to quote the Care Act more than once. Mum was quite anxious at one point, not wanting to be a bother, and I was really aware that, had that conversation been with a family who had not known the possibilities of supporting someone to stay at home, the end result would have been different. If someone starts a sentence with the confidence of ‘obviously’ it can be hard to challenge unless you know your facts.

It’s another example of Serviceland having ideas about how folk should live their lives. About what is ok and what is not. All ideas that generally limit any sense of possibility, of individuality, of humanity. All things that definitely point in the opposite direction to people living their Gloriously Ordinary Lives. It’s massively about the assumptions we make about people and about what is possible …and you know what they say about the word ‘assume’.

So, I guess my challenge for today is to be aware and question ourselves when we start a sentence with ‘obviously’. Me and Bryony have strong and shared feelings about Buddha bowls and red wine, and about the fact that there is no better way to start a Sunday than to swim in open water …but we are really clear that these are not obvious in any way shape or form to many other people. I suggest the same might apply to ‘going into a care home’.

PS. Did you see? The Gloriously Ordinary Sundays Podcast episode 7 is here. I chat with ⁠Gary Bourlet⁠, founder of the People First Movement in England and co-founder of ⁠Learning Disability England⁠. Gary tells us all about the ⁠Good Lives⁠ framework and we discuss the links between Good Lives and ⁠Gloriously Ordinary Lives⁠.