Gloriously Ordinary Sundays
I might be unusual in that I quite like January. We’re now three weeks into the ‘up’ since the winter Solstice and, even though it’s still very dark, I feel the possibility of spring. I saw primroses and snowdrops on my walk today, and there are shoots poking through in my, albeit waterlogged, garden.
New Year is the time for thinking and planning, for making decisions and resolutions about the year to come. Again, with age, I’ve become less likely to commit to 10 impossible resolutions (lose 2 stone, be able to run a half marathon, get 8 hours sleep a night anyone?), and more interested by my intentions for the year – how I want my life to look and what might help me get there.
I started to unpick the difference between resolution and intention.
Resolution: ‘a firm decision to do or not to do something. The quality of being determined or resolute.
Intentions: ‘the values and desires behind a plan’.
Intentions can work without goals, but goals are much harder to achieve without intentions behind them – or to put it another way, if we just try and make a resolution without thinking about what is moving us towards that, resolutions and goals can feel empty or impossible and be less likely to be something we stick with. That would explain why I can’t run a half marathon (I don’t care enough).
My best example of how they looks different to me is that I’ve signed up for an online Greek class. For several years now, I’ve been trying to learn Greek – there is a reason as I love Kefalonia and go there several times a year. My annual resolutions have been something along the lines of, ‘next time I go to Kefalonia, I’ll be able to speak fluent Greek to my Greek friends!’. I’ve got lots of apps, cleared 450+ days of Duolingo, bought some books, and I’m still a bit crap.
With the help of a friend who pointed out that this might not qualify as an achievable and measurable outcome, I re-framed it as an intention and had this lovely image of sitting in my favourite restaurant in Kefalonia (Elaionas near Spartia, if you’re interested), at least able to say hello, pass the time of day and order my food in Greek. The same friend helped me think about my learning style and pointed to the fact that I’m a people person and like to have things explained in ways I can question. She also knows me well enough not to push and waited two days before emailing me a link to a class.
So, what is this to do with Gloriously Ordinary Lives? It feels like there are two important things. Firstly, how many people who draw on social care, particularly people who don’t have family, are being supported to think about their lives and what they want the year ahead to look like? There is symbolism in doing this in January, but actually when we ‘review support’ at any point in the year, how much of the process involves thinking and dreaming and exploring intentions? How many organisations who offer direct support to people see this as part of their role – beyond the formal support planning process?
Test one: would I want that for me or someone I love? means that I’d really want whatever support I am being offered and to come from a place of really knowing who I am – not just my assessed need. I would also want that support to be constantly evolving to reflect my aspirations and intentions, not just as part of my formal review but as part of exploring with me what my Gloriously Ordinary Life looks like and feels like to me.
Secondly, it got me thinking about the difference between classic goal/outcome setting and doing that with clear intentions and aspirations. I’ve done quite a bit of work over the last six months with different people and organisations around the country going back to basics with writing outcomes, and it’s become so clear that what we’re still not good at is getting to the heart of who someone is. I still teach people to write outcomes with people that start from what’s important to you and what’s currently not working (thank you Helen Sanderson). It’s how we all think and plan for our lives, even though we don’t usually do it formally. We remember that our friend is getting married in April and that we feel a bit fat after Christmas. We try on our favourite outfit – the one that makes us feel a million dollars – and it doesn’t do up. We know we have three months to do something about that and, depending on our personal motivation and our budget, we plan a way to make that dress fit!
The Boy is incredibly excited that his dream of having his own place is finally going to happen this year – nearly five years after it was a clear intention. We’ve had to work really hard to keep his aspirations and intentions at the heart of planning for the move as the system has its own ideas. The system wants him ‘housed’, preferably with his Care Act assessed needs met at the same time. The system is happy for that to be done by ‘placing’ him in a 5 bed ‘supported living service’.
We are now at the point where by June, he should be living in his own house in the centre of town so he can walk to work at McDonalds, get the train up north to see friends, and be near The Girl, who also lives in the centre of town. Five years people, five years.
As the New Year starts to gather some steam, is there someone you can chat with about their intentions for the year and what might make their heart sing? Then if it might need a bit of support, could you help make it happen?
